an open letter to the wise president

on my own time, in my own world. i miss my mundu which i feel natural inside. hanging myself down with the air flowing. the breeze of my island. with one hand behind my back the other leaning on the wall. looking at the corner of a wall. one wall meeting the other near a door. how clever. and then suddenly i see my car going in front of me. it cannot be. but it had the emblem plates. it cannot be anni at this time, or the majlis guy, because it's a used benz. it's my car. my driver perhaps taking his girlfriend for a ride... or i'm day dreaming... like i always do. i'm the wise president.

-written by his son.

Evolution of pickup transport in Maldives. A humble appeal to show care.

Strangest of the strange I have been seeing a very strange kind of pickup trucks these days. Sizes ranging from small to large. Each time I see these strange pickups I begin to wonder about the mechanics behind these advanced new heavy load vehicles. It is very useful for places like Fura Male'. With the credit crunch and the economic crisis globally and more noticeably locally these kinds of new vehicles are perhaps how the pickup trucks could best evolve.

With increased fuel prices the WaveRyders like me who fills up my Wave with five Rufiya of petrol each time just get me to go two rounds around Male' which is making us worry. The Wavers need to choose an alternative (with the same productivity as riding around Male'). Some like me might start to count the number of people passing by while I wait on top of my (borrowed) Wave in front of my house... well my boss's (or parent's?) house. Staying on the Wave in an awkward position playing with my phone (which I haven't recharged for few weeks). But I can still press the buttons. And take 0.3 Megapixel photos I will one day upload to a Flickr.

WaveRyders are less, the Taxi prices increase. What can the people do? Protest... nah... rather sit on the bike and play with the phone.. or sleep a bit longer... and do something to annoy the next person. Arrange a community shouting contest. Watch TV if possible forever.

Now back to the new pickup truck which has started to emerge when a certain group of people realized that the fuel or paying for the pickups is too expensive. They get a modified used pickup from a nearby country that can also do a lot more things. Their monthly installment price is very few Rupees or Dakaa. Cheap is good. These pickups are usually multi-owner based. Serve the owners, serve the friends, serve the neighbor same monthly installment.

Smaller versions have two wheels. Can carry two to four sacks of garbage bags (of the volume of a 50kg Hakuru Bastha each). The front can carry the volume of an empty Coast milk case full of garbage. Of cause when these filled with garbage are less heavy, but the pickup truck is a mechanical device it wouldn't complain if it becomes heavier. These breed of pickups just go to the instructed location and deliver them (mostly to the garbage dump).

Then there is the small version. This time with no wheels. The strangest of the strange I saw today the pickup crossing the zebra crossing when the green light for people were on! It was carrying a metal bed. Raised to the top of its two forklift arms. Obviously any onlooker would know that the forklift was overloaded and may collapse anytime. We just cracked a joke about it and we thought these are just mechanical vehicles that runs on the oldest technology of bio-fuel. The people we supposedly imitate used camels as pickups. Now we believe in evolution so we use what the bosses believe are animals from the neighboring nations for these kind of tasks. But they do have a passport, a name, a work permit, and sometimes a soul, a family, a father, a mother, a sister, children.

SAVE THEM! AND STOP ABUSING THEM. TREAT THEM AS THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN OUR PARENTS! THEM = US!

Male' Jihad living on 2.5th floor with a cupboard bedroom

Surprise Surprise! Today I was at Juway's Cafe and I met my friend Jihad (Jihattey) who is a assistant to the junior accountant grade B in a big company in Male'. Jihattey was very happy and said he's married and now living in his own apartment. Jihattey invited me to his apartment to meet his wife.

Jihattey's Bajaj scooter was very quick to take us to his apartment in Kuda Henveiru. It was a house I used to go. But from the outside it looked a little taller. We went in. The house would have been no bigger than a typical Boakosha Kada (hair saloon) in Male'. About 12ft by 12ft.

The downstairs is the saloon. The hair artist with posters of Tamil film stars design the Maldivians hair to look cool. The first floor was used by the family of the house. We climbed to there on a ladder. The family of 8 lives there with some of their in-laws. Then comes Jihattey's floor. Another ladder we climbed up.

First thing i noticed is that the floor height is a bit low. It ' look odd to my friend Jihattey because Jihattey and Maumoon are just about the same height. But Jihattey's wife who introduced herself to me as Zulfa lives there a bit bended over. Zulfa says she's very happy with Jihattey and to my surprise she invited me to a surprise party she's planning to have there tonight. Zulfa is very busy preparing cakes and things.

I got more surpized with Jihattey when he showed me their maid who came out of a cupboard. Their maid lives in the cupboard. Jihattey says the maid makes things easy for Zulfa and the maid is from Bangladesh.

Now Jihattey is saving to buy an air-corn and a sports car to make Zulfa happy.

Birth of Maldives Public Transport Company (MPTC)

All my friends from my island likes to think that our island the biggest city in the world. Because if we call a taxi to go from Mudhimbe's house to the mosque the taxi would never come. One time Mudhimbe waited for the taxi for two months. But it never came. He lost faith in taxis and thought up of a plan for a bus system.

His plan was to have two bus stops. One in front of his house. One in front of the mosque. He proposed his plan on a voshifilla to Katheeb who changed the plan a bit. One stop in front of Katheeb's house another in front of Rashu office. Then came the atoll chief. He said 'What a brilliant idea!'. He promised to take the voshifila to Male' but with a little change. One in front of Atollge and another in front of Dhiyana's house. (Dhiyana is the young female secretary for atoll chief)

In Male' transport minister saw the plan and changed it a little and proposed it to president. One near his first wife's house and another near her boyfriend's. President saw the plan and approved it with a little change. One stop near the kitchen of the palace another near presidential bedroom.

Paper 3/1987: Dichotomy of manifestations raised on appropriating Fatloon in place of Mundu among small island men: An indepth analysis.

By My Mother.

Dhohokko (1985) in his unpublished paper writes "when a country is westernized, men will wear trousers". Dhohokko is one of the leading cultural pseudo-anthropologists from United Kashidhoo (UK). His patent pending “cultural litmus configuration” tests revealed that Mundu is the only covering necessary for the small island nation men.

On the contrary Dr. Rakisbondu (2015) said that ideas like Dhohokko’s are just too old. Younger homosapiens of small islands are wired with 200 Kilobytes per second of MTV and Internet. Dr. Rakisbondu is an advocate of Jeans for men. His research in University of Menchester United shows that wearing Jeans strengthens “Shavhiyani” chromosome of the small island men. Dr. Dr. Latheefa who is holding a double Ph.D writes on her blog that “Riveted jeans can cause social disharmony leading to socioeconomic congressional dispologamy.” Dr. Dr. Latheefa is an advocate of round necked frocks for the countries ‘xy’ chromosomed hummus erectus.

Ibrhahim Dhee Dhee working as an assistant umbrella in the MET office said that Dr. Dr. Latheefa’s papers are not understandable. “They have a tone of very Doctorness. But it is full of misinformation and logical fallacy”. Then he said “a dichotomy is what we seek and dichotomy is what we get” referring to a dark object which looks like a burned thelli babukeyo. “Although Dr. Dr. Latheefa wears Mundu anything she blubbers is considered sinister” (Bus Driver Rasheed 2000).

(Only very educated people comment will be accepted for this post)