A Burugaa for Hajja

Hajja wants me to make a dress for her to wear on for the Alha-Eid ceremony (Muslim Halloween) after Hajj (not to be confused with sexy Hajja). Hajja wears burugaa and very tight long sleeved t-shirts and a summer dress with a bra won top of that. she wears jeans fitting her butt and legs like a butt-glove.

I proposed for her to take a naked picture of her and print it on the t-shirt she wears. Printed boobs matching her real. This would qualify as a cover for her large bosoms. And then to buy a wig from Watsons of Male' (Fresh Air Shop) and wear it over her head. Our local Mulla sheikh says it will fulfill the Burugaa Commandment. Tomorrow our friend photo Jihattey is coming to take the naked pics of her. And we have bought T-shirt transfer paper to print it. If anyone wanna join drop by our studio, preferably naked.

Islamic Ministry should ban Islamic Ministry

Islamic Ministry is becoming notorious for banning and abolishing things in the Maldives. The reasons are usually 'complains' from the public. Who the fuck is this Islamic public who complains about everything on earth? Why don't they stay at home and own their own business. What if the wives of this so called Islamic community starts complaining about domestic violence and sexual abuse?

Islamic Ministry should start counseling sessions now, first starting from themselves first. Practice what you believe without forcing others to do as you wish. Without getting into the freedom of others. Now some might say that it is what your God intends, but remember majority of this world don't believe in your God, or your religion, and don't give a fuck.

Magical mystery Maldivians during election

Abbas was a poor man. His house was lit by one Kerosene lamp. Abbas does his toilet in the sea outside the walls of Fura Male'.

On day after having a sip from fermented coconut (wine) on one of his near the sea sessions to fetch shells, he found a glowing stone. He picked it up and hid under his striped sarong. At night near the Kerosene lamp Abbas stroked the glowing stone with his right hand and out came some smoke and a huge Jinni.

"Master, Master Thank you so much. I have been trapped in here for a 1000 years. Only you can free me out of this, and I will grant you 3 wishes."

Topless Abbass was overwhelmed and puzzled. He was not a believer of Jinns as such, but this is happening in front of him. The Jinni was growing even larger. Abbass got more scared.

"Abbass, my dear. You don't have to be scared. My name is Gayyoom. Hayul Gayyoom al Azhar. I have only one demand from you. To set me free."

Abbass still not in his senses, and covering his face with his not so clean sarong was now trying to get his brain to work. He was thinking like an "inventor". He wants to steal a machine. A machine from Nasir.

Jinni Gayyoom was not expecting a wish like this. But decided to grant this wish on one condition that, Abbass gives his sister to marry the Jinni. The deal is done. Jinni was freed. It shrunk back to his normal short size, flew to Azhar, his home town, with Abbas's sister and a bunch of nighties.

The machine:
Nasir, undoubtedly a much better inventor than Thomas Edition and Ibn Sina combined, had been working on the greatest invention of all time. This is better than his radio, he himself tuned from inside of his own house.

The people making machine. This machine can create people. Nasir is a great thinker. He knew that the most disadvantage of the country was due to it's small population and lack of land. So Nasir's mission was to make a machine to produce a lot of people, and then another machine to produce a lot of land. (He succeeded: he moved to England).

Jinn stole Nasir's people making machine for Abbas. Abbas now pressed all the buttons and turned all the knobs. And wow! "Dhoonithah... Dhoonithah... Ma govaigen dhaashe" he said! it was a bunch of people. All sizes and shapes. He killed the first batch of 1,000 people. Then he made more sophisticated adjustment and wooosh came another batch. Much better.

With this technique he was able to adjust the election results for ages. And one thing ruthless Abbas made sure he did was that to kill all the people who he produced when the elections are over. Well, except for the few of the dumbest, which the elitists can use as subservient slaves to work for them in their businesses and at home.

In the year 2008, things changed. Abbas accidently left his machine unlocked, and Nasheed got hold of it. Nasheed the champion of democracy and who holds such titles as Asia's Obama, and Galolhu's Mugabe got to use this machine. But Nasheed is more cowardly than the ruthless Abbas. Nasheed does not kill the people he produces. And look now. The whole Maldives if filled up.

And also Nasheed plays with the machine too much, when ever he gets a call from a Dhaaria doing too bad, me makes tons of more people and sends them off. Democracy machine is now in his hand... and Maldives is polluted with all these. There is no wall without a group of these person tiled up in a crooked grid. There's no where that you don't here these people screaming senseless speeches. The freed jinni should have been trapped forever.

If all candidates sucks, don't wait at home: Vote Invalid

This is part of Invalid Vote campaign:
Adheel (a very philosophical bugger) and I were talking siyaasee last night. Adheel asked me who i am voting. I said I am voting Anni. He asked me why, I said Anni is not perfect. He has a lot of bad qualities like putting his relatives in MDP things, and being very dictatorial, and being too fake these days trying to pretend to be Maumoon. MDP has maumoonist corrupt people in the party, like Ibrahim Hussain Zaki who has eaten millions of tourism dollars. But why I choose Anni is he is by far much much better than the rest of the jerks. Gasim, an idiot, only good for a comedian, Hassan is more maumoonist than even maumoon himself and Maumoon surely the dictator has who to be taken out. The other three have no chance of getting more than 5% of the votes combined, so weak and so useless.

And Adheel said "so you are voting Anni because you have no better choice" and I said yeah. Here comes Mr. Adheel's idea:


If all candidates are terrible, don't wait at home without voting, it'll only make an idiot win. Instead do an invalid vote! Staying home will not make your voice count in the result, but if you bother to show up and vote a cross for all candidates, it'll be counted as an invalid vote, and you have made a statement. All candidates Suck.


With this Adheel has made me re-think my choice.

Evolution of pickup transport in Maldives. A humble appeal to show care.

Strangest of the strange I have been seeing a very strange kind of pickup trucks these days. Sizes ranging from small to large. Each time I see these strange pickups I begin to wonder about the mechanics behind these advanced new heavy load vehicles. It is very useful for places like Fura Male'. With the credit crunch and the economic crisis globally and more noticeably locally these kinds of new vehicles are perhaps how the pickup trucks could best evolve.

With increased fuel prices the WaveRyders like me who fills up my Wave with five Rufiya of petrol each time just get me to go two rounds around Male' which is making us worry. The Wavers need to choose an alternative (with the same productivity as riding around Male'). Some like me might start to count the number of people passing by while I wait on top of my (borrowed) Wave in front of my house... well my boss's (or parent's?) house. Staying on the Wave in an awkward position playing with my phone (which I haven't recharged for few weeks). But I can still press the buttons. And take 0.3 Megapixel photos I will one day upload to a Flickr.

WaveRyders are less, the Taxi prices increase. What can the people do? Protest... nah... rather sit on the bike and play with the phone.. or sleep a bit longer... and do something to annoy the next person. Arrange a community shouting contest. Watch TV if possible forever.

Now back to the new pickup truck which has started to emerge when a certain group of people realized that the fuel or paying for the pickups is too expensive. They get a modified used pickup from a nearby country that can also do a lot more things. Their monthly installment price is very few Rupees or Dakaa. Cheap is good. These pickups are usually multi-owner based. Serve the owners, serve the friends, serve the neighbor same monthly installment.

Smaller versions have two wheels. Can carry two to four sacks of garbage bags (of the volume of a 50kg Hakuru Bastha each). The front can carry the volume of an empty Coast milk case full of garbage. Of cause when these filled with garbage are less heavy, but the pickup truck is a mechanical device it wouldn't complain if it becomes heavier. These breed of pickups just go to the instructed location and deliver them (mostly to the garbage dump).

Then there is the small version. This time with no wheels. The strangest of the strange I saw today the pickup crossing the zebra crossing when the green light for people were on! It was carrying a metal bed. Raised to the top of its two forklift arms. Obviously any onlooker would know that the forklift was overloaded and may collapse anytime. We just cracked a joke about it and we thought these are just mechanical vehicles that runs on the oldest technology of bio-fuel. The people we supposedly imitate used camels as pickups. Now we believe in evolution so we use what the bosses believe are animals from the neighboring nations for these kind of tasks. But they do have a passport, a name, a work permit, and sometimes a soul, a family, a father, a mother, a sister, children.

SAVE THEM! AND STOP ABUSING THEM. TREAT THEM AS THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN OUR PARENTS! THEM = US!

From behind a lorry last night riding around Male'

42 people - assorted shapes and sizes but all in red

Felt 24 boobs in 2 hours (18 Burugaa boobs)

Poked by 17 dicks (all erect and hard)

My own dick got wanked 12 times (6 times by males)

Fingered 8 pussies 3 asses (1 male)

Got sucked by 3 (all burugaa girls)

Sucked 4 pussies and 1 dick

Kissed 54 lips in two hours

Sexed 2 girls (1 very fat)

All the while shouting Maldives Hop Hop Hop

And very happy for the teamwork and unity.

We are the champions.

"Golhabo's red team has won" said Maaburey

Today he is wearing red underwear, red shorts, and a red jersey with another Man's name printed very large on the back. He colored his face with something that looks like our flag. For the past few days he has been carrying a flag with him. Riding his Wave look-alike motorcycle all around Male'. Singing songs like 'Footbolhain Mulhi Gaumah Faidhaa Hoadhaaney...' (whole country profiting from football). A song which the state owned TV Maldives (GolhaTV) has been playing over and over again. This songs makes Maaburey really feel that by winning in football on a tournament which six or seven of the world's lowest football ranking countries participated in can make his life better.

He's living in a 3 bedroom apartment with 15 family members and a maid. Each room with LCD TV and one room with one aircond. Maaburey's mother who has gone for two Hajjs in her life is waiting to to go to India for a major surgery when she gets the funding arranged.

Maaburey is a football. He drinks football juice he eats football. Maaburey plays Playstation football in his free time. Just like every other intelligent Maldivian. Maaburey is a football fan. Specially when it comes to supporting the national Team.

Maaburey is also a huge MDP supporter. But today there is no MDP or DRP. Everyone is united behind the number one. The goal keeper.

After watching a loud match on TV today Maaburey jumped up to the sky and said "Golhab's red team has won". It was a moment he felt one with number one. And everything started to flash in front of his eyes. After 29 years of waiting Golhabo's team has managed to win. And now Maaburey's shouting and running around on his Wave look-alike bike. All over male'. I asked him if he's drunk like the rest of the others.

We love our Golhabo's team. And will give a great welcome back to Golhabo and his team. And this will make Golhabo win the election too. If we want our team to win, keep the number one, the number one! The population likes to get drunk on Golhabo! Most still fall for Golhaa's traps. The rest of us just has to wait, another 5, 10, 30 or a 1000 years more.

Zero Degree Atoll's 2nd Album

Their first album Dhoni was pure genius. I was in my early teens when I first listened to the tape of Dhoni. At that time it was too expensive for me to buy my own. But since I liked it so much my boss gave a tape to me as a gift. A white colored tape. With a nice picture of a Dhoni flying on the cover. All the things are written in English, not handwritten. It was one of a kind. From the cover to the music inside.

I was used to wonder-mark and pen hand written Haaburi and Dhohokobe tapes sold in audio shops of Male' who think that playing music the loudest makes them the biggest shop. Small one bedroom size shops with a large 15 story Velaanage size voice. Just like our band leader. A small man with a big mouth.

Now back to Zero Degree's 2nd Album. I'm now in my early thirties. Zero degree still has the same materials they produced when I was in my early teens. Close to 20 years and nothing new! How sad. The most creative musical act could not evolve. Why? When I last checked all the band members are still alive. They were playing to a teenage audience tonight at the Alimas carnival. But still the same stuff.

I am really sad. Can anyone answer why there was no 2nd Album? And will there ever be one?

mOscar awards 2008 (Maldives)

Baftas, Oscars, Crystals and Moscas. In slightly less expensive cafes everyone is talking about awards. In the last 4 months this country has held 3 film festivals with 3 award ceremonies. Mollywood industry which produces less than 2 feature films on average a year holds an award ceremony every other month. About 150 people work in this industry who need constant reminding of how great their work is. According to industry sources each of these ceremonies costs about 10 times the budget of a typical Maldivian film. And 2 times the budget of the most expensive Dhivehi movie made in the past 10 years.

A year, 2 movies, 3 awards shows. Half a million Ruffiyaa for each of the shows. Note: this is excluding Hotel and transport charges.

The latest show was held at Dharubaaruge and the participants were invited to stay in Male' at Nalahiya Hotel for the ceremony. They were offered to stay in the lobby free of charge for 30 minutes (from 8:00 to 8:30pm). They can use free toilets and were served with Taza mineral water at this time. Taxis were washed and turned into limos by placing a sticker on the number plate and on top of the word "Taxi". Everyone was greeted well at Dharubaaruge which hosted the latest of the awards. Government owned newspaper Miadhu and lots of government related businesses sponsored the event. The actors danced with the sponsor's name boards at the end of the show. Sponsors were made very happy looking at their bodies move with the brand logos.

I am happy to have watched all 3 shows live on MTV.

Riding towards Majeedhi Magu tonight

I had to slow down my Wave 100 on an average road of Male' leading to the central Majeedhi Magu. There were many Wave cycles parked on the right side parking zone at 20 to 50 degrees angle from the one stone pavements. On the other side along with Waves parked parallel to the road are pedestrians squeezing through between them and the ongoing traffic of Wave cycles, bigger cycles and taxi cars. The sports car look-alikes don't come into these roads because this economy is not what the drivers of these cars want to show themselves to. The road is crowded with very small houses of three floors on average. Each house appears unfinished, or not painted after Jumhoory 30 of 1998. Dusty and corroded but still with living people and pests inside. All houses are full. Some overflowing with people. People stay in front of the house wearing a 8080 Mundu (sarong), listening to AM Radio with an antenna or wearing a BodyGlove trousers (shirtless) talking on a Nokia 6300 perched on one of the parked Wave cycles that doesn't obviously belong to him. Or a teenage boy (with long sleeved shirt) holding a girl (wearing a midi and burugaa) in the shadows.

I had to slow down my Wave 100 because a taxi was slowing down just ahead of me. It finally stopped in front of a house almost the length of the taxi. The right door opened into the sitting room cum maids room of the house. Three ladies came out of the taxi. One wearing a baby blue Buruga with glittery silver stars on it. She had lipstick on her lips and a reasonable amount of red powder on her face. She looked the eldest (in her late 50s) of the three. Then came out the other two, probably two daughters of her in their early forties. The dickey of the taxi opened to find 3 large plastic shopping bags. 1 red. The other one yellow with "Bright Brothers" printed on it. They slowly took the bags, one filled with cheap plastic wear, one with some noodles packets and the other with make-up stuff. Three of them slowly went into the house making sure the door of the car is slowly closed to make space for them to enter the house. The door didn't close properly the first time so the taxi driver had to awkwardly put his right hand over his shoulder to close the back door by himself.

It was around 11:08pm tonight. Friday night shopping has become a custom for the people of Male' now.

code leaked from 2008 Maldives website

</maumoon>

Riyaz is Sad. Because his skin is dark.

This is about my good friend Riyaz 33 years old. (Not the real name)

Riyaz has been a good friend of mine since grade 7. He has very beautiful skin. Very dark very manly. The kind of skin super models of America dies to get. But Riyaz is not happy. He is under a lot of pressure. Pressure began the day he was born. The first question his mother asked the Foolhumaa (mid-wife) was "Is he fair or dark?". Not that his parents loved him any less for being a dark skinned boy. Racism in that level is not considered as racism in this country. Day after day as Riyaz grew older different comments come to him regarding his skin color. Riyaz likes to swim. But his uncles and aunties would comment "If you go to the sea you will get dark". He likes fishing. But just like most in his generation he is not going fishing because the sun makes his skin too dark. And the comments he gets get worse.

When we were in grade 9 together Riyaz started to walk a bit different. When I asked why he explained. He was only walking in shades. He rides his bicycle faster in the sunny part and slower in the shade. Because there is a pressure around him which made an inner voice of him to speak to him "Riyattey, be fair. Bituns like fair boys. Beautiful is fair."

It is not just the pressure from within his family. These skin color comments come as very innocent ones mostly as jokes. These are not just for guys. It's worse for girls. Rarely a female Maldivian escapes the trap of putting 'Fair and Lovely' on their skin. The advertisers and the film industry does a good job on promoting these kind of ideas. (Shah Rukh promoting skin paling cream). Some girls I see on the street put so much white powder on their face that they look like dead ghosts. Some make-up on dhivehi film actresses make them look worse. But they had to do something. Because there is a unwritten social law here. "Dark skin is dirt". Black is not beautiful. It does not come as racism. It has nothing to do with race in this case. Racism also exists. But this skin color thing is beyond that. Its roots go beyond the Indian cast system influence or the barbaric British colonization of Maldives.

Now Riyaz has bought something called 'Fair and Handsome'. It's really expensive. But he feels that he's getting fairer now. Though he is married with three kids now he is still not happy about his skin color. But I have told him that even if he puts all the cream in the world his skin will be dark. And if it's ugly. I'm sorry. For me dark is beautiful.

Behind Minister Kutti's blog writing desk is MR Hill

Today I met Kutti Nasheed. He's a good friend of my boss. Kutti visits our house regularly. I bring juice to him. I asked him about his blog. He said "What did you say? My clog?" He was not sure what a blog is. Then he said: "aah.. that.. Mr. Hill and Mr. Knwolton... They said something like that..., they also took a long interview of me... I had to talk about my fistula, and medula obligada. They call me every day... I was just hoping that they were doing some kind of a survey for Golhaa, or I was hoping to get a job from UK..."

Which made me certain that Kutti's blog is the last desperate PR stunt by the failing H&K in the Maldives. "They are not doing anything as we guide them.. " said MR. Knowlton furiously.

Orgy at Islamic Centre

It was 9pm in one of the darkest night of June 2005. Phone rang inside the bedroom. The bedroom of Gayyoom. He whispered into the phone. Slowly he went to the bathroom and washed his face. Nashreena woke up, half dazed, and asked "who was it on the phone?". Gayyoom answered "It was Adam Zahir... We are having an emergency cabinet meeting, I'm leaving now". Nashreena replied "with your pyjamas?". Gayyoom said "don't have enough time to change..."

Gayyoom rushed outside from the backdoor. No one noticed him since he was not dressed as usual. He walked to the Islamic Centre and went towards the conference room. As he opened the door he heard the sounds. The sounds he hears on every occasion like this. It was sexy electronic music. And he was greeted by Adam and the gang. "man, you are late, we started without you". Gayyoom has never been late for any of these 'emergency cabinet meetings'. Gayyoom said, "Natti started asking all sorts of questions, so i had to distract her".

Gayyoom's pyjamas were soon removed by two naked girls. Gayyoom is one of the most vigorous members of these orgies they have. Gayyoom started his regular welcome dance. People describe the moves as retro seventies style twisting combined with Michael Jacksonic brake dancing with a hint of arabic belly dancing flavour. This is the center of the show. In one corner a drunk Fathulla was wrapped up in a set of naked teenage girls. There was Gasim, Ibrahim hussein Zaki and Munavar on one side naked in a drinking contest. Anni was naked holding his yellow underwear up as high as he can. The underwear has the words "Get up! Stand up!". Soon the whole conference room is filled with smoke from the pot Adam has brought for everyone. And the sounds of electronic music is well in sync with the mood in the room. Though it was the first time Dr. Shaheed was allowed to this special cabinet meeting, he was not too unfamiliar with the procedure... so many naked girls, so beautiful. Ilyas arranges an unlimited supply.

In this erotic dreamlike scenario Gayyoom was able to notice the absence of his old friend Zahir Hussain tonight. But it was not a big deal. They continued enjoying the night until they heard the calling for Fathis namaadh. At which time DJ Headmaster Umar Zahir stopped the music and ordered everyone to get ready to go. Blending in with the pious people going out from the namaadh, the members of the cabinet meeting slowly walked out home. This time Gayyoom was sure that he saw Zahir leaving out of his house. But he was cool with it, he was aware about the deal with Zahir and Nasreena. And Natti was aware of what these 'special cabinet meetings' really are.

This is a summary of a scene from a fictional film. Any similarities to any person or an event in real is purely coincidental.

Theory of underwater Endheri growing on Villa in the sky

To prove his loyalty to the family of the First Lady of Maldives (Endheri), he had to do more than just cleaning fish and preparing snacks for their brunch break. During the 28 years the current president has been in power and more, the Endheri family has been draining money from the people of Maldives in more than just taking different kinds of bribes from businesses such as Universal Enterprises.

Gasim is the most loyal servant the family has ever had. Gasim runs the businesses of Endheri family under his own name. Endheri family needed clean people to roll their corrupt businesses in Maldives without being too suspicious. Gasim is one of the people they use. Gasim is able to deceive the majority of poor Maldivians by contributing a very small portion of what they have embezzled to the community in more forms than just sending few people a month to a house in India for cheap medical treatments. Gasim's Endheri businesses fund high class education and medical treatment for family members of key government officers.

Gasim proves money can buy anything
Gasim is currently the vice president of Gayyoom's DRP, and Gasim is the highest open financial contributor to opposition MDP. He has also financially contributed to individual MDP parliament members, MDP aligned news websites such as his adviser Sappe's Dhivehi Observer and Minivan News. His financial contributions revived MDP aligned Adduvas Magazine, his associated companies advertise on Minivan Daily and other MDP aligned media. A lot of parliament members or their family either works for Gasim's businesses or have associated businesses with him.

He claims to be the richest Maldivian, he's the finance minister of Maldives and recently he was (s)elected as the president of the people's Majlis. Endheri family is smiling now. Their puppet is still the most loyal servant they got. And he has managed to buy both major political parties of Maldives.

Jennifer Latheef protesting on world press freedom day

Jennifer Latheef (Jenny) has gone through transformations in more ways than we can keep track of. Today she can be a photographer for Minivan, tomorrow she's working for NASA (maldives branch). But you will never know what she was doing yesterday - for safety reasons.

(photo by: Jeniffer Latheef)

Special agent Jethro Gibbs is on his way to the Maldives.

The most reliable news source of Maldives, Factmaldives (owned and operated by Maldives Police Services, Strategic Communication Unit of President's office, the family and in-laws of Presidential Palace) is reporting that the government of Maldives has asked United States Navy to aid an ongoing murder investigation. Jethro and his team will be arriving in Male' airport sometime tonight. They will be escorted to Bandos Resort where they will conduct the investigation.

Police also handed over the script with details of how the story will get unfolded in the next few days. Two British people MR.Hill and Mr.Knowton co-wrote the script with TVM. Part of the script includes reconstructing the past by creating and purchasing people and documents from the past.

"This will be the most creative case we've ever solved" said Agent Gibbs on a published phone interview. Due to public demand Mossad Liaison Ziva will be replaced on this case by Skeikh Rasheed. Forensic specialist Abby and medical examiner Ducky are currently in Sri Lanka waiting to perform the most incredible autopsy of their lifetime. They were not allowed into the Maldives due to the large collection of statues Abby took with her.