Wow. I got Hilathed.

This site may be a very slowed or down due to high traffic for proudly being Hilathed today.

brooms and boobs

Twentieth time in these two days my buddy Fahmee and I have been to BML Atms located everywhere in Male'. We spend a considerable time on each occasion looking at others waiting before me, impatiently to check the bank balance. Everyone chooses option three from the 3rd screen and take a quick balance printout. Some people bring many cards. Probably of co-workers. All balances are closer to 0. Fahmee's balance is also RF 0.28 each of the times we checked.

We are waiting for the salary to be transfered. All the people are waiting and checking which ATM gets the money first. Last month I said BML near IGMH, Fakey (Fahmee's nick name) ATM near STO will get the salaries first. He won and I had to give him a coffee which he paid with the salary money he took. This time I am saying Olympus ATM. All our friends play this game. Which ATM gets the salary first. Very fun game for the end of the month. Can somebody make this a facebook game?

We are waiting till we get the salary to goto Ugulhey Baazaaru -- the best place in town. Though most have not got the salary yet they have been there once or twice so far. To get squeezed and to squeeze. I have not yet been there this year so far. But I am waiting to go when salary money of Fakey comes to the ATM. I remember last time we bought a lot of brooms and buckets. They are very useful.

My friend Farooq ordered one container from Bangkok for the market. But he could not pay the duty to it is stuck in customs.

I will write about the night market experience after I go.

From behind a lorry last night riding around Male'

42 people - assorted shapes and sizes but all in red

Felt 24 boobs in 2 hours (18 Burugaa boobs)

Poked by 17 dicks (all erect and hard)

My own dick got wanked 12 times (6 times by males)

Fingered 8 pussies 3 asses (1 male)

Got sucked by 3 (all burugaa girls)

Sucked 4 pussies and 1 dick

Kissed 54 lips in two hours

Sexed 2 girls (1 very fat)

All the while shouting Maldives Hop Hop Hop

And very happy for the teamwork and unity.

We are the champions.

Ifthah Ya Sim Sim and Sheik Afrasim

Years of watching Ifthah Ya Sim Sim on TVM specially on the long mornings of fridays made my Arabic better than ever before. Watching them run and ride bicycles on the streets of Arab world taught me how to run and ride bicycles. Haazaa Kithaab, this is a blog. Some of my friends were very deep into this Ifthah Ya Sim Sim. They went to Mauhadh Dhiraasathul Islamiyya and passed each grade with Jayyed Jiddan reports. Masha Allah to all of them.

When TVM cut this show the younger generation were unable to get a nicer Arabic introduction. They were forced to leave to Pakistan and do Madhrasa Sim Sim where they leaned how to imitate riding of camels and horses. These are the people experiencing an identity crisis these days. You will see it very clearly from the fashion they adopt.

I want our children to watch Ifthah Ya Sim Sim and Sesame Street. I will tell our Kutti who runs a useless ministry this. It will close our religious divide instead of plugging in some AfraSim Sim.

mOscar awards 2008 (Maldives)

Baftas, Oscars, Crystals and Moscas. In slightly less expensive cafes everyone is talking about awards. In the last 4 months this country has held 3 film festivals with 3 award ceremonies. Mollywood industry which produces less than 2 feature films on average a year holds an award ceremony every other month. About 150 people work in this industry who need constant reminding of how great their work is. According to industry sources each of these ceremonies costs about 10 times the budget of a typical Maldivian film. And 2 times the budget of the most expensive Dhivehi movie made in the past 10 years.

A year, 2 movies, 3 awards shows. Half a million Ruffiyaa for each of the shows. Note: this is excluding Hotel and transport charges.

The latest show was held at Dharubaaruge and the participants were invited to stay in Male' at Nalahiya Hotel for the ceremony. They were offered to stay in the lobby free of charge for 30 minutes (from 8:00 to 8:30pm). They can use free toilets and were served with Taza mineral water at this time. Taxis were washed and turned into limos by placing a sticker on the number plate and on top of the word "Taxi". Everyone was greeted well at Dharubaaruge which hosted the latest of the awards. Government owned newspaper Miadhu and lots of government related businesses sponsored the event. The actors danced with the sponsor's name boards at the end of the show. Sponsors were made very happy looking at their bodies move with the brand logos.

I am happy to have watched all 3 shows live on MTV.

Hassaney is getting married to Reyshma with small boobs

A tiring week for me. A friend of a friend is planning to get married. His name is Hassaney.

Who is Hassaney:
Hassaney has a Honda Eliminator 250 Hp motor cycle with two engine silencers. He rides his motor cycle (Saiku) as fast as he can on the busiest highways of Male'. A lot of girls like his Saiku which is also nicknamed Devil. Hassaney chooses girls with large b(.)(.)bs to go for rides on his Devil. These girls keep their b(.)(.)bs firmly pressed against Hassaneys burakashi as Hassaney races all his adrenaline out of him. Girls hold him as tight as they can and the faster he races the tighter they hold on. Hassaney's Devil is really Kaamiyaabu. The Devil is one of the badi-est in Male'.

Who is Hassaney's wife to be:
Her name is Reyshma. She wears glasses. I used to see her going to school with a pile of books covering her almost non-existent b..bs. She never looks at others. Straight from her house to school. If at night accompanied by her brother. She also wears a buruga. She's a homely girl. Hassaney wants to make her his wife. Because Hassaney is sure that Reyshma will stay at home reading the latest story books of Nahla and watching the latest Nahla's films while Hassaney races on the Devil with b(.)(.)bs. And not surprisingly Reyshma has not yet have had the privilege to ride the Devil. (probably she'll never have).

The Room:
Hassaney lives with his extended family consisting of 3 couples and 5 children plus the grandma and grandpa (Hassaney's mom and dad). The house is not small but not big either. It's about 850 sq feet. Each of the married members of the family has somehow managed to squeeze a room of space into this 850sq feet. It's magical. Hassaney's going to be the 5th room in the house. A part of the kitchen and a potion from his brother's toilet was taken for Hassaney's room. Sitting room of the house is already taken for a previously wedded brother. Hassaney's room is in an awkward shape.

This year is Hassaney's year. Hassaney wants the best room for him and his Reyshma. A bedroom set is a must. Hassaney borrowed money from all his family, friends and friend's friends to buy the best bedroom set from Parkway Furniture (a Goldenlane shop). He has managed to ignore the payments for his Devil motorcycle for years.

I was involved in constructing the room for him. I was among the few who helped paint his room. Purple color with a brownish pattern. Paint is bought from A.H Brothers. Hassaney also bought a mini-bar fridge for his room. We are going to put the King size bed in his room tomorrow. Tonight Hassaney has to decided whether to alter the bed or move the dressing table to the toilet. The aircond people will come tomorrow as well.

And then comes the wedding party preparation! Hassaney is a lucky man.

code leaked from 2008 Maldives website

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Riyaz is Sad. Because his skin is dark.

This is about my good friend Riyaz 33 years old. (Not the real name)

Riyaz has been a good friend of mine since grade 7. He has very beautiful skin. Very dark very manly. The kind of skin super models of America dies to get. But Riyaz is not happy. He is under a lot of pressure. Pressure began the day he was born. The first question his mother asked the Foolhumaa (mid-wife) was "Is he fair or dark?". Not that his parents loved him any less for being a dark skinned boy. Racism in that level is not considered as racism in this country. Day after day as Riyaz grew older different comments come to him regarding his skin color. Riyaz likes to swim. But his uncles and aunties would comment "If you go to the sea you will get dark". He likes fishing. But just like most in his generation he is not going fishing because the sun makes his skin too dark. And the comments he gets get worse.

When we were in grade 9 together Riyaz started to walk a bit different. When I asked why he explained. He was only walking in shades. He rides his bicycle faster in the sunny part and slower in the shade. Because there is a pressure around him which made an inner voice of him to speak to him "Riyattey, be fair. Bituns like fair boys. Beautiful is fair."

It is not just the pressure from within his family. These skin color comments come as very innocent ones mostly as jokes. These are not just for guys. It's worse for girls. Rarely a female Maldivian escapes the trap of putting 'Fair and Lovely' on their skin. The advertisers and the film industry does a good job on promoting these kind of ideas. (Shah Rukh promoting skin paling cream). Some girls I see on the street put so much white powder on their face that they look like dead ghosts. Some make-up on dhivehi film actresses make them look worse. But they had to do something. Because there is a unwritten social law here. "Dark skin is dirt". Black is not beautiful. It does not come as racism. It has nothing to do with race in this case. Racism also exists. But this skin color thing is beyond that. Its roots go beyond the Indian cast system influence or the barbaric British colonization of Maldives.

Now Riyaz has bought something called 'Fair and Handsome'. It's really expensive. But he feels that he's getting fairer now. Though he is married with three kids now he is still not happy about his skin color. But I have told him that even if he puts all the cream in the world his skin will be dark. And if it's ugly. I'm sorry. For me dark is beautiful.

Rasheed announces he was having blogus coitus with Simos (XXXX rated)

Rasheed is using Simos as a trojan horse to enter into the Maldives blgosphere. This was announced through his "unofficial" blog which he uses as a backdoor to official issues. This backdoor was opened up in a surgery he had at IGMH which was later expanded in Apollo Hotel in Sri Lanka. Rasheed has described his blogus coitus relations with Simos in sickening almost graphic detail in an attempt to deny any relations with Mr. Hill. His mistress Simos is too naive and finding it hard to believe that Rasheed is already married to Mr.Hill. He wants to further maintain their s&m relationship and has openly declared in capital letters "I LOVE YOU".

TVM NEWS: Rasheed kidnapped in chowkit massage parlor

I don't want to question credibility of TVM (soon coming to an internet near you). But just as my Adhalath party buddy was watching porno from Italian channels when I switched the channel to TVM I heard this sad story. "Rasheed kidnapped in chowkit massage parlor". How sad. He was a good man. He's trying to claim opening of the internet (which he cannot close like other things) without cutting the ribbon. He thinks that he is the step father of internet and the mother in-law of blogging and the illegitimate sister of flickr. To make everyone happy here's a lawyer joke taken from his internet.

There are no honest lawyers:
A lawyer named Mr. Rasheed was shopping for a Mahaanagaa. After he had made his selection, the engraver Hameed asked him what inscription he would like on it.

"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded Rasheed.

"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied Hameed. "In this island, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer'."

"But that won't let people know who it is!" protested Rasheed.

"Sure it will," retorted Hameed. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's impossible!"